Schomobogard

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

piano lesson:
Natasha: Ardinny your fingers are very romantic *wiggles my pinky*

um thanks? does it have to do with the fact that i can do only soft melodies on the piano? or is my romantism hidden in my fingers? thats awesome :].

biology:
Deema: Miss, what do you call these things of the spider? *flaps hands like wings*
Scoots: What? Wings of the spider?
Deema: No, no its this -rubs arm-
Zena: Hands?
Scoots: You meant LEGS of a spider?
Deema: YES that's it
Ms. Williams?: And this is supposed to be Year 11 students?
Scoots: IGs students miss.

Mr eyre: twilight. edward. rawr.

&so much more love.

i gotta say.
i'm over it. completely. i've become bored of the game. and i'm sure they do too.
my life is complete :]

♥ 7:17 AM

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Recording tapes.
I've never been so scared of recording tapes before.

I've had my french oral mocks today.

The moment I went inside that dreaded library and saw Mrs.Eyre sitting in one of the table there.
Well there was this spooky theme music in my mind.
It went.
DUM DUM DUM DUMMMM.

And then I sat down and my heart just raced at 500 miles per second and I thought I'd die before I could say 'Bonjour' from lack of oxygen (or too much?)

And then Mrs. Eyre pressed that tape and recorded my entire conversation.
I thought I'd never find something more mortifying than me stuttering my French oral and being permanently engraved with a tape.
Unless of course, something bad happens (lest it be accidentally) to the tape and it all went vanish.

But that would be a miracle. And miracle do not happen in real life.

I like deep conversations. I didn't contribute much in class. However, if you ask me;

So in the end, it all starts with Ibrahim in that particular area but people find their own beliefs and from there form different ethnic beliefs that fights over the place.
However.
Theologically, and in MY belief
which is basically on the same side as poor Palestinian's beliefs (hopefully?)
Israel was banished from the holy land since god knows when. And Palestinians had their poor selves kicked everywhere by them for a long long time.
My Holy Book told me that Nasrani are the ones that shouldn't be trusted if you're a Muslim.
I never knew a Nasrani before.

Alas, I agree in the end, there is a divided opinion between those who are on Israeli side and those on Palestine side. Right now with the media around, people can easily access what's going on with this situation, young and old.

And of course depending on which media they choose to follow, their support and views will be divided too.

Propagandas are easy to create with technnology. No more we want you posters from Hitler's age.
I never like Hitler's little square moustache anyway. And his weird addiction to blonde blue eyed ~~men~~people.

Moving on back to my point,
So these two sides, I think in the future the divide will be more evident and global as time passes by and well.
Probably in the way future, the whole world will either be on one or another side. And they start to take action. The whole world.
Will this be the world war 3 then?

Or if we can just stop it for a while and change history?

But Qur'an is never wrong.

So I'm not crossing my fingers on eternal peace.
Even though the Israel troops are starting to ceasefire on Gaza.
It's a disturbing price you pay for being so faithful to your religion.

Goals:
Improve friendship with everyone
Don't pay attention to much to ;;;;;;;
BE MORE WITTY AND INTELLIGENT VERBALLY
LOSE LOSE LOSE LOSE LOSE LOSE WEIGHT
BUY MORE CLOTHES
get a webcam
Get a freaking i-Pod classic (80 GB?)
Win money and donate it to Gaza children
Start tennis
Get my butt off the computer
Say 'HAPPY BELATED 24th BIRTHDAY JAEJOONG OPPA MY LOVE'
Buy birthday presents/ cards
MAKE A NEW REVISION TIMETABLE.
Cure my avoidant symptons. Ahem.

♥ 6:39 AM

Monday, January 26, 2009

Disorder	Rating
Paranoid Disorder:	Moderate
Schizoid Disorder:	Low
Schizotypal Disorder:	Moderate
Antisocial Disorder:	Low
Borderline Disorder:	Low
Histrionic Disorder:	Moderate
Narcissistic Disorder:	Low
Avoidant Disorder:	High
Dependent Disorder:	High
Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder:	Moderate
-- Personality Disorder Test - Take It! -- -- Personality Disorders --

Avoidant Disorder :

Avoidant personality disorder is characterized by extreme social anxiety. People with this disorder often feel inadequate, avoid social situations, and seek out jobs with little contact with others. Avoidants are fearful of being rejected and worry about embarassing themselves in front of others. They exaggerate the potential difficulties of new situations to rationalize avoiding them. Often, they will create fantasy worlds to substitute for the real one. Unlike schizoid personality disorder, avoidants yearn for social relations yet feel they are unable to obtain them. They are frequently depressed and have low self-confidence.

AKA; shyness. I'm 100% that.

Symptons:

Social inhibition; retreating from others in anticipation of rejection (o)
Preoccupation with being rejected or criticized in social situations (o)
Fear of embarrassment results in avoidance of new activities (o)
Poor self-image; feelings of social ineptitude (o)
Desire for improved social relations (OOOOO)
Appear to others as self-involved and unfriendly (I don't know about this)
Creation of elaborate fantasy lives (OOOOOOOOOOO)

FINALLY SOMEONE UNDERSTANDS ME.
Um. ok.

Dependant Disorder:

Dependent personality disorder is characterized by a need to be taken care of. People with this disorder tend to cling to people and fear losing them. They may become suicidal when a break-up is imminent. They tend to let others make important decisions for them and often jump from relationship to relationship. Dependents often remain in abusive relationships. Over-sensitivity to disapproval is common. Dependents often feel helpless and depressed.

~~Now I get why I don't have a BF~~

Symptons:

Difficulty making decisions (OOOOOO)
Feelings of helplessness when alone (OOOOOOOO)
Suicidal thoughts upon rejection (?)
Submissiveness (OOOOOOOOOOOOO)
Deeply hurt by mild criticism or disapproval (OOOOOOOOOO)
Unable to meet ordinary demands of life (OOOOOOOOOOO)

Notice that my narcisstic disorder is very low? "D.

I need help :]

♥ 5:51 AM

Sunday, January 25, 2009

Two people;

I'm sorry.
This is why I never did anything. Because if I did, I'd probably ignore you both completely.
And be a more complete bitch than anything.
I know I'm horrible right now.
And you both been supporting me all the time.
And because of 'this' , I can't balance myself.
When I clearly told myself that I won't change and won't be selfish even though I'm the only unlucky person between us three.
But action proves to be harder than word.
And I think I'm drifting apart from both of you. And I understand why.
Maybe I'm changing?
Maybe we're all changing?
I'm a weak person.
I'll just need to find another support. Probably.

But I wish things are the way it used to be.

I'm sorry.
Forgive me? sometime next month?
Let me recreate myself first.

♥ 10:13 AM

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Mirotic version 2008:

DBSK- Mirotic Cut....

Mirotic the jazzy and mellow and so 60's version

FRank Sinatra- I'v...

Knowledge credit: sadistzerio of capslock_tvxq livejournal community.

Haha. I'm gay :].

IGCSE Maths Paper 4:

Hardest most bitchiest exam paper I ever seen. I was halfway crying doing them.

n=n(n+1)/2.

um yeah.

psh. at least that's over with. i'm not anticipating my E anytime soon. getting a D would be a miracle in that exam.

oh and i know i've been having problems lately. i don't know. mega-puberty?

all i'm certain is;

i crave a light pink sweater with white scarf all of a sudden (out of all colour?

i look into my cupboard and somehow none of the clothes staring at me fancies my taste

suddenly i just talk to old friends after a loong time

obama is officially the owner of the white house now :]

i should be studying french instead of writing this.

but what can you study for reading comprehension exam?

hmmm.

im craving kfashion piccies right now <3.

what is wrong with mee?

♥ 8:08 AM

Monday, January 19, 2009

I don't know why I like this guy so much :].

One: He's KIM Heechul. Two: he's the shoujou of Super Junior (other than Eeteuk). Three: When he talks borderline of sarcasm, humour, catastrophe, tears, laugh and bowls is not present. Four: He looks so good with baby Mason. Five: this... (Watch ONLY if you're a fan of K-pop and is familiar with the industry and Super Junior and Heechul. Pay attention to 2:17 till 2:28)

Yes the last reason made my mouth gape like a fish for a whole 5 minutes.

In conclusion: I like crazy KIMs bishounen singer/wackos who looks good with guys and babies and fanservices like there's no tomorrow (Kim Jaejoong?Yesplease)

I have a problem.

Though Sungmin sorta looked good from the side. And Siwon on drums made me go :Q___.

Though no :Q____ O.O =.= >.<>jae cradling babies. There's something about men who are good with babies :].

OKAY I'm off for Biology now. And then work out.

YES I'm done with Lit Mock. It was ~~thefuckinwhoriestshit~~ OK. I didn't get to finish my Pride and Prejudice essay though. Screw the staff for wasting a good ten minutes at the start of our time by telling us to erase the notes in our book.

Like it matter? All I had as notes in my book is

-underline- metaphor
-underline- EP/DP
-underline- irony
-underline- i don't get why Ms.A told us to underline this phrase but since she said so then what the heck
-underline- it's cruciblee

yeah, like those notes even help. The highest I can get is low C.

shit it's shitty dt exam tomorrow and how do you draw pentagon dammit shit.

yes i have pottymouth lately. mock pressures.

♥ 8:23 AM

Sunday, January 18, 2009

So maybe, just maybe
I don't know how
The feelings others felt you see
It's breaking me now

Perhaps it's insecurity?
body shape, shame and cynic
this person sans variety
has become a finick

P-h-e-a-r slash fear
Is it the lenghty great wall in my path?
The circle is getting smaller and smaller
Will I be able to tear?

So maybe just maybe
It's a closed book after all
The key has sunk under sea
A sacrifice is needed

Song writing + lyrics? It's a trend recently; D

If you can't go against it, just go with the flow.
However;
I just CAN'T write romantics.
I'm not a romantic person after all U_U

♥ 3:56 AM

Thursday, January 15, 2009

Weekend couldn't come FAST enough can it? :D
I can finally be on the laptop without having to worry about any exams.

Can i get a boo-yaa?

Well even if it's for today only :'(. Tomorrow and the rest will be nose-in-book days.

Geography is shite. That's all I'm saying about mocks.
And my stomach betrayed me D:
Gah, why do you have to rumble so loud in the exam room. And I was sitting next to him. He looked so adorable up close yeh? Like a lost puppy. I keep staring at the corner of my eyes instead of paying attention to the geo book in front of me. My bad. Haha.

My brain is having severe siezures permanently. I never ever witness so many problems in my 15 years.

It's still all new, time will heal.

I miss wifeey. She's such a ~~whoreslutbitch~~ hypocrite for not telling me anything that's been going on with her. And I wanna know if my package arrived safely.

Don't be deceived by the italics :D

Mom: Din, sebentar lagi kamu bisa jadi segendut ibu loh
Me: *Panic attack* wh...what? am i that fat?
Mom: Liat aja, udah hampir sama.

Me: -_________-

Way to give a peptalk ma. You're always so full of good news aren't you?

Need list: ASK DAD FOR A WEBCAM AFTER MOCKS.

do i look that big?

♥ 6:53 AM

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

In a sense.
Study break. I was feeling down all day today because;
Mock starts. And French had to be the first ones to top it off.
I'm scared and whipped out of my sense since yesterday.

So in DT on Tuesday, the girls and Mr M. were discussing about the current and most definitely grave situation on earth;
The Gaza-Israel War.
I was listening the whole time, and all I could think is that this is just reruns of the news which had been playing for over a month. I felt sad, frustrated, angered, pained and scared all the time hearing these news.

So I discussed it with my mom while we're stuck in traffic on the way home. And what she said scared me, in every possible way.

(convo is actually in Indo but I'm too lazy to write them so I'll put English substitute)
Mom: The Israel War had been going on since the 60s. And it's still happening.
Me: But they've gone too far this time, killing children and their moms
Mom: Yeah, they're blind killing now and it won't stop until kiamat. It's been mentioned in the Qur'an as a sign of kiamat. And when we're closing to the day, trees and animals, everything will talk and go against them except this one tree that won't tell where they will hide. That tree is the Israeli tree
Me: ......

I'm scared.
But then I got more and more curious. So instead of studying French which I was supposed to be doing yesterday, I grabbed my Indo terjemahan Qur'an and search for anything related to them. I find a few but they're pretty long ago and I could't find anything about the trees so I searched the internet.
And stumbled into this online book 'Jerusalem in Qur'an'

I read and read. And when I thought I was scared in the afternoon, it didn't compare to the feeling I felt reading the online book.
It's fear. Definitely.
The author of the book in all it's ways based the book in quotations from the Qur'an and relate it to real world events.
Almost 3/4 of what's predicted in the Qur'an already happened in today's ages. And I found the ayat with the trees. It's there. On my face. Loud and clear.

Signs that The End is near:
-Bani Israel will return to Holy Land after years of being banished (check)

This few, I'm not really sure but:
-They will win over Jerusalem?
-They will rule the world?
-But then further away, they will be defeated [talking trees and rocks]

-When this lake in Luxemborg? dry up (and it's been proven to be drying up, quickly) and Nabi Musa will appear in the earth as JUST a ruler.

-A creature from hell? (I forgot the name) escapes into the world and he will capture it.

-Fir'Aun ressurects
(I read in the book that the pharaoh's body will be preserved after he drowned and when the time comes, his soul will return and punish those by drowning them. Didn't they found his body already?)

Other signs which is not related to them at all:
-Money (what's meant as money are coins made out of metal/ copper/ and NOT paper money) will lose it's value

-'Barefoot farmers will race each other with skyscrapers and tall building' (Dubai? Doha? Abu Dhabi?)

And many more.

I could't sleep at all after reading that. Heck studying is out of my orbit already.
I felt sad though. This war won't end. And if it ends then it means the world's end is closer.
I want peace but sometimes humans are humans. Sometimes our blind spot dominates us and by the time we see justice, it's already too late.
All I could do now is pray for those suffering in Gaza. I want to help them, particularly children. They DON'T deserve the treatment they're in right now.
I just wanna help.

Again, this entry might be a little dangerous. I tried my best not to dwelve in into any political sense because I'm only 15 and failed miserably in Maths and literature essays so whatever I got to say will probably be, well, crap.
But if I have to pick a side, you know which side I'll be on.
Come on my army of talking trees and rocks!

I forgot the site where I read the book. I should make a note out of it.
All I have to say is that the book made me realize that now is THE crucial time to be more 'spiritual'.
Better now than when it's too late. You can't pray while worrying for your dear life when the sun is only 100 km away from earth now can you?

It's a new resolution.
Be more alim.

I should get back studying.
And find the site.

I'm sorry for a real downer (and possibly shocking?) entry but I got to say what I've got to say.

♥ 9:22 AM

Monday, January 12, 2009

Actually, one day.

One more day until the mocks.
My breakdown is not here yet so I'm good so far.

And in this little post, I just want to say;;

MY LIMIT IS TESTED RIGHT NOW.
For some of you, you might not know what I meant.
Some of you might know.
It's all about telling baby~

Studying goal is NOT going really well now.
:'(

Because of HIM....

Jaee, why do you torture me so much...
You are a crime nobody should ever claim. I can't get enough of your killer look and now you appear with a GUN pointing at me.
~~is dead~~

~Currently been listening to: Yirumas, SNSD-Gee & Himnae, DBSK-Wasurenaide

I don't feel like myself right now...

♥ 5:20 AM

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

It's 2009.
It's freaking 2009.
I'm 15 going on 16.
I'm old.
I'm going to have my IGCSEs in a few months.
Prom in a few months.
I've been in Doha for exactly one year and a few days...
and in that one year I've gained exactly 6 kilograms and no centimetres at all.
I'm going to get my report tomorrow and I predict some yelling.
I'm still single and my best friend had so many boy toys I feel so inferior. And my other good friend just got a girlfriend.
I'm obsessed of Dong Bang Shin Ki. I think YunJae is real.
I just realized Antarctica has a flag.
Albania has the ~~ugliest~~ plainest flag ever.
Gaza war MUST stop. It's getting out of hand.

OKAY back to the point;
New resolutions for the year starting from NOW:

DIET. Go down at least 3 kilo.
STUDY. Must get at least 3 As in finals.
~~Get a boyfriend? -gets shot-~~
Be more talkative
Be more intelligent
STOP PROCRASTINATING
Sing better
Learn how to play the piano by ears (not the literal way)
Learn the chords
Perfect MIROTIC dance and learn more K-pop dance
START TENNIS
Be less cynical
Be more literate
Learn how to play the guitar? or drums? violin? hobo?

I'm going to be hiatus from being online starting tomorrow. Allow only 1 hour on the computer per day.
Wish me luck on the mocks.
'<3

x

♥ 9:35 AM

Friday, January 2, 2009

1. Put your music player on shuffle. 
2. Press forward for each question. 
3. Use the song title as the answer to the question even if it doesn’t make sense. 
4. Write the answers down, or even comment on it. 
5. Tag 5 people.
 ——————————————————————-
1. How are you feeling today?
Yiruma- River Flows in you, song version
Comment: I'm very peaceful inside right now?
2. Will you get far in life?
Tohoshinki- Bolero
Comment: The furthest I can be is becoming a dancer and dance the Bolero ;D.
3. What’s your best friend’s theme song?
Tohoshinki- Why Did I Fall In Love with You
Comment: I guess she falls in love with the most random people. But it's her <3. And she likes the song so there's no argument there :D.
4. What is the story of your life?
Yovie&Nuno- Janji Suci
Comment: I must not reject a guy who sings this song to me. I guess?
5. What was school like?
Lee Hyun Ji ft Onew- Vanilla Love
Comment: Two words: SO NOT. 
6. How can you get ahead with life?
Yellowcard- Only One
Comment: I only got one chance in life?
7. Whats the best thing about your friends?
Wonder Girls- So Hot
Comment: Aye ;D
8. Describe your grandparents?
SNSD- Into the New World
Comment: They're more in touch with the old I'm sorry to say :[.
9. How’s your life going?
Andra & The Backbone - Sempurna
Comment: Not.
10. What will be played at my funeral?
SHINee- SHinee World
Comment: I guess my funeral will be hip?
11. Will you have a happy life?
Jordin Sparks- No Air
Comment: I don't know.
12. What do your friends really think of you?
Good Charlotte- Dance Floor Anthem
Comment: I don't fall in love easily?
13. Do people secretly lust after you?
DHT- Listen To Your Heart
Comment: Haha. Yes Listen to your heart people ;D.
14. How can you make yourself happy?
Super Junior- Marry U
Comment: Jaejae marry me now kthx.
15. Will you ever have children?
Usher- Moving Mountains
Comment: Hmmmm interestingg...
16. What song would you strip to?
Cassie- Is It You
Comment: Haha the mood is not there for stripping :D
17. What does your mom think of you?
The Rasmus- Living in A World Without You
Comment: Aww so she can't live without mee.
18. What is your deep, dark secret?
Matchbox 20- You're So Real
Comment: I know right?
19. What is your enemy’s theme song?
Kiss- BEcause I Am A Girl
Comment: Which enemy?
20. What’s your personality like?
DBSK- Are You A Good Girl
Comment: I am :D. I am.
21. What will be played at your wedding?
Yiruma- River Flows IN You song version. Again.
Comment: SPOT ON

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYBODY!

♥ 5:17 AM